What to do when a guy needs time to think
A lot of you guys have been asking various forms of the same question: my dude seems to be putting the brakes on, and I don't understand what it means. Well, it can mean a few different things…. Listen, I'm not a mind-reader. So I can't tell you exactly why he says he "needs a little space," or "wants to take things a little more slowly," or "needs some time to think about things" or any of the other vague, overly gentle and therefore more heartbreaking ways he has of saying this. He might actually be gay for all I know, and that's an awfully hard thing to diagnose from an anonymous post on Smitten. But I can tell you that it doesn't mean it's the end.
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: What To Do When He Says He Needs SpaceContent:
- Why Men Pull Away & Ask For Space In A Relationship — And What To Do About It
- This Is How To Deal When He Tells You He Needs Space
- Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space
- What Your Boyfriend Means When He Needs Space To Think Things Through
- Five Things it Means When He Says He Wants Space
- When A Guy Says He Needs To Find Himself 🔎
- Here’s Exactly What To Do When He Says He Needs Space
- What to Do When He Says He Needs Space
- How To Give Him Space So That He Misses You And Comes Back
Why Men Pull Away & Ask For Space In A Relationship — And What To Do About It
Photo Credit: Manchik Photography. Interpreting emotional cues is a constant source of struggle and consternation for those of us trying to have a meaningful connection with a member of the opposite sex. But, in the same way that women come with different personalities and strengths, so do the men in your life.
If you find yourself struggling to connect with your boyfriend or husband, paying closer attention to these basic guidelines could be just the thing to help you bring out his emotional side. Sometimes a guy just might need to be alone. But silence and isolation are not necessarily about being upset or angry. When men are presented with emotions they do not understand, it can cause them to get stressed.
According to Dr. To give your guy some time to process, take a time-out. For us men, a time-out is about reflection and problem solving. We are working things through and simply need time so that we can concentrate, understand the emotion, and figure out the next step. We are not necessarily running from the emotion; our brains just need more time to grapple with it.
Be prepared for a time-out, not from the relationship—as marital counselor Peter McFadden points out —but from the issue. Want to meet back here to talk things over at 5 p. This means that you might have to break down his emotional barriers with some simple nonverbal tricks. Whatever it is, the key here is letting him think or talk in a stance that makes him feel supported rather then confronted. When he feels his companion standing beside him, especially if he is going through a tough time, it builds trust and will bring you closer together.
On the other hand, if he feels disrespected, nagged, or put down, he will not want to be vulnerable or even come close to sharing his feelings. Be careful not to say anything that your man could take as an attack on his personality or character, as this will immensely hurt his feelings and make him retreat. It can be helpful to suggest change in behavior or action, but demanding it will turn constructive feedback into force. As I noted above, men can often become silent not because they are upset but because they are simply trying to problem solve.
Problem solving is one of the things we love the most; it gives us wonderful feelings of accomplishment and peace once a problem is fixed. Just as a woman often needs to off-load her feelings and talk about them, sometimes a man prefers to talk about facts and practical steps rather than how he is feeling. This urge to problem solve is partly due to how our brains are constructed, according to Dr.
Because of the predominantly left-sided connections in the male brain, men are wired for logical action. This means that it takes us longer to transfer emotional data from one side of the brain to the other. Brizendine goes so far as to say that men are not necessarily less emotional or empathetic.
This has the result of making men more action-oriented and prone to problem solving rather than discussion. The idea that talking will help seems so foreign to us. Help us problem solve and come to a decision during an emotional dilemma. Would that be helpful? In the end, this will help him immensely in starting to process his present feelings—and eventually being ready to share them.
Ladies, be patient with us. Even when we are ready to discuss our emotions, we might struggle to label them, and at times we can even mislabel them. This is all part of us processing emotional data. Rather than confronting our emotions directly, we might express them indirectly.
In Dr. If we just received bad news, lost a job, or even lost a loved one, certain emotions can spill over and might become confused. At this point, suggestions rather than directives are most helpful. Give him time. When we do talk, however brief it might be, we will need positive reinforcement. Simple body language such as nodding, smiling if appropriate to the situation , a consoling pat on the arm or back, or some affirming words can work wonders for us.
The opposite is also true. So on the rare occasions that we do discuss our emotions, adverse reactions to what we share can lead us to not want to share in the future.
If someone criticizes our attempts at problem solving, it can make us feel hurt and unappreciated, says Dr. Shawn T.
There are many ways to offer positive reinforcement. Build us up when we share, hear us out and listen, validate our feelings, focus on the positives, and communicate your support nonverbally through body language and facial expression. Men and women both want to be understood and loved.
We appreciate it, I promise! This may help you understand. Let's sift through the confusion and figure out what his true intentions are. Think again. Home Relationships. By Justin Petrisek.
This Is How To Deal When He Tells You He Needs Space
Even the most madly in love couples need space sometimes. Alone time gives us the opportunity to focus on ourselves — which is never a bad thing — as well as explore our other interests, our relationships with our friends and family, and room to grow. People can't evolve when they're constantly glued to someone else's side. No one is posting a picture of themselves taking a yoga class alone or reading a book! But individuals and relationships thrive on having a nice balance of together time and alone time.
Or hanging up the phone a little bit quicker than usual. Or emotionally open. So what should you do? Let him take the time he needs without you reaching out to him and re-inserting yourself into his life. Give him space to miss you.
Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space
Few things are as frightening or nerve-wracking as a man needing space. You try to figure out what you could have done wrong, and you strategize about ways to make things better and get the relationship back on track. The way they process and experience things is different. Taking space is a natural coping mechanism for most men, just as seeking out support from friends and loved ones is a natural coping mechanism for most women. When a man needs space, it often has little, if anything, to do with you. The number-one reason a man pulls away is because he is stressed. The source of his stress could be the result of some issue in the relationship, but it might not have anything to do with you at all. Men will typically view themselves as weak and incapable if they voice their feelings or lean on other people for help or support. The way women handle difficult emotions is probably much more psychologically healthy and healing, but it is what it is. Men have a much harder time processing and handling emotions than women do.
What Your Boyfriend Means When He Needs Space To Think Things Through
Your man has recently come to you with a confession. He says he needs time to himself. The moment the words left his lips, your heart sank. As much as you want to believe it's nothing to worry about, you can't help it. Something is obviously not working for him anymore.
The anxiety of a man needing space. It can make you feel blinded by fear of the worst. Unfortunately and fortunately, this dizzy time of worry and stress is so important for the future of your relationship with this man. First of all, I want to say that this article is for women who are already in an exclusive relationship.
Five Things it Means When He Says He Wants Space
His ex-wife keeps pulling him back by sending the kids to talk to him. She divorced him 8 months ago and was cheating with another man for more than a year and a half. We just kissed and we decided to take it seriously but slowly.
No M. All Rights Reserved. What on earth is he getting at? After six weeks apart, the pair reunited. He should have just broken up with me instead of leaving me hanging for a whole month. I honestly believed that he needed time alone to work out what he wanted.
When A Guy Says He Needs To Find Himself 🔎
He feels guilty for breaking up with you and dislikes being the bad guy for selfishly terminating his relationship with you. In order for your ex to avoid feeling distressed, your ex needed to find a way to stop having a guilty conscience. He needed to come up with a trick that minimizes your self-blame and consequently, promotes his well-being. He wanted to achieve this by telling you a bunch of half-truths and get rid of you in a swift and effective manner. Well, the truth is that anything can happen.
When you find yourself in a serious relationship, there are some phrases and words that can cut you like a knife. When you are certain that you have found Mr. Right, hearing him tell you that he needs space can crush your soul and leave you flailing.
Here’s Exactly What To Do When He Says He Needs Space
This is a space to ask questions, share experiences and support each other. Find a relevant thread or start your own! Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia. However for the first time that night he revealed that he was so close to killing himself when he found out about his ex and his cousin and I felt that was the catalyst.
What to Do When He Says He Needs Space
Now, listen carefully: what you do after he asks you for space is super important. When guys get upset, they like to go into their shell to get some perspective on the issue at hand. If you spend tons of time with someone but you fight all the time, no one would call that a great relationship. But if your schedules conspire so that you can only spend a little time with each other, but that time is amazing — anyone can see that you have a great relationship.
Being left wondering why men pull away when things seemed really good in relationships can leave anyone feeling confused, panicked, and rejected. The first thing you should know is that this isn't necessarily a bad thing for your relationship. In fact, when you accept his request and give him space, it can actually be an opportunity to bring you closer together as a couple. Most people occasionally need some time by themselves to investigate and figure out their deepest feelings and thoughts. By following my best dating tips and advice below, you can learn how to make him miss you and want him more than ever by doing a few things that will help sway his emotions and decisions in your favor.
How To Give Him Space So That He Misses You And Comes Back
These six little words usually arrive out of the blue and plunge you into a world of confusion. In fact, there are four steps you can do right now, to bring him back. Before you put them into action, though, you need to take care of your own mindset. To do so, remember that:. The more you scramble for ideas to keep him there, agonise over what you did wrong and let paranoia run wild, the more he gains the upper hand in your mind. Put a gigantic red stop sign in front of your thoughts and remember the other side of the coin.